My Silence on National Adoption Month

November 23, 2009 at 12:15 pm 9 comments

This month is known as National Adoption Month. A lot of my adopted buddies and the people whose blogs I peruse have written about it. I thought about writing a post each day of this month, or at least writing a post about it. But mostly I decided to forgo posting about NAM and focus on what really matters….

Wedding planning.

Just kidding. But National Adoption Month was not meant to be about me, my adopted sister or buddies, or my adoptive mom, or even my natural mom. It was meant to be about spreading awareness of the need for adoptive families for foster kids. I don’t want to take away from that, because people really could use an education on what Foster Care adoptions are all about.


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9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jackie Borrero  |  November 23, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    But the wedding planning is a veryveryclose second, huh?

    LT and Darla sharing their FC experiences on Y!A is just breaking my heart.

  • 2. kateiskate  |  November 23, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    Of course! Wedding planning has taken over my life!!

    Yeah, they have really given me a lot to think about today. Your question did too.

  • 3. Amy Louise  |  November 23, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    I came to your blog from a comment you left on another blog I read. I’m sorry that adoption has been such a negative experience for you. I’m sorry for whatever circumstances caused you to be separated from your first mother. Know that it is a decision she did not come about lightly. Abortion is legal and readily available in Korea. She loved you and gave you life. I hope that someday you are reunited so that she can tell you these things herself. Please know that adoption is not what separated you but whatever strains financial, social or otherwise kept you from growing up in her care. You don’t know that your life would have been any happier had the adoption never happened. Continue to search for your first mom but I hope you will see some joy in your journey.

    • 4. kateiskate  |  November 24, 2009 at 7:09 am

      Adoption hasn’t been a “negative” experience for me. It’s been a defining theme in my life that has shaped my choices, my relationships, and my future. Since I don’t know my first mother, I don’t know if it was her decision, her parent’s decision, my father’s decision, or who really chose this for us. Did you know that many parents left their children at an orphanage or foster home in Korea with the full intentions of returning for these children (due to medical issues, bills, etc) and when they returned, the “adoptable” ones were gone? The records changed?

      Also, abortion is not legal on demand in Korea the way it is here in the US. So it really wasn’t like this whole, gift of life, labor of love type thing. I love how you brought in abortion like I should be like “Oh gosh, you are SO right, I could have been aborted! Let me abandon all my loss and just jump for joy!”. I don’t mean to be mean, but I do take offense to that. Are YOU grateful you weren’t aborted? Do you tell your friends and family to be grateful they weren’t aborted?

      I know adoption may or may not have been what separated us. Most likely you’re right, financial or social issues kept us apart. But there are thousands of cases in Korea where children have been kept from parents who DID want them and given for adoption because we were “adoptable”. And since adoption is a multi million dollar industry, there is really no way to deny that.

      My life may or may not have been “happier”. But I would have been raised by the person who was supposed to love and want me, and that is how it is supposed to be.

      I appreciate you reading my blog…(although you don’t say you actually read anything, just came here from somewhere else to comment…) and I hope that you can see that adoption is really three dimensional and not always perfect.

    • 5. maybe  |  November 24, 2009 at 11:23 am

      Everyone “could” have been aborted, so there is no need to be grateful for not being aborted.

  • 6. Amy Louise  |  November 25, 2009 at 1:18 am

    Actually I am grateful every day that I was not aborted. I’m sorry to offend that was not my intention. Adoption isn’t perfect, not at all. Life isn’t perfect for anyone. Your loss is real, your pain is real. I can’t imagine the horror of expecting to get my baby back only to find she is forever gone. I hope you are reunited with your mother. I hope it is glorious! But I don’t believe all adoptions are bad. My friends adopted a sibling group and has kept in good contact with their first family. Adoption is not perfect but have you ever stopped to wonder what you life would have been like had you not been adopted? There is a possibility that you still would not have been raised by your first family.

    • 7. kateiskate  |  December 2, 2009 at 1:56 pm

      Oh I’m not offended. Just telling you where I’m coming from. I don’t think all adoptions or bad, nor do I hope to speak for other adoptees. I only speak from my own experiences.

      I have thought about what my life might have been like had I not been adopted. And it most certainly would have been different. But you know what? That’s not a bad thing. For one thing, I would be a lot less confused about my culture because I would have been raised in it.

  • 8. Cricket  |  December 2, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    I’m relatively certain that had I not been adopted I wouldn’t have been molested…so yes, as an adult adoptee in reunion, I stopped to wonder what my life would have been like.

    • 9. kateiskate  |  December 2, 2009 at 1:57 pm

      I don’t know an adoptee who hasn’t wondered (at least a little) what life might have been like. It’s human nature to think about what could have been and to be curious in general.


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