Financial Difficulty…

July 23, 2009 at 1:08 pm 4 comments

Sometimes I am really not the brightest bulb on the Christmas Tree.

 

I mailed my request for non identifying information and a money order for seventy five dollars to my adoption agency almost two weeks ago. Unfortunately, because I filled out the money order incorrectly, the bank was unable to deposit it and the adoption agency mailed it back to me, where it now sits in my purse, waiting for action.

 

I should have tried to change out the money order and send it back to the agency the same day I got it back. But instead of that, I’ve pretty much pussed out and convinced myself that now is NOT the right time to be spending seventy five dollars. I still owe Verizon wireless 423 dollars. That is not coming off of my credit report if I don’t PAY them. And I can’t pay THEM and spend seventy five dollars to probably find out that I have no one and nothing.

 

I don’t know what I should do. I definitely plan on shelling out twenty five dollars for GOAL membership in order to ask them to get my Holt Korea paperwork for me. But that seventy five dollars is both emotionally and financially hard to part with. The first time I sent it out, I had to empty my checking account and watch the zero in my account for a week until payday.

 

I really am struggling with myself over this. I need to pay that bill off, but I am desperate to know where I came from. Maybe the money order came back to me because I’m not supposed to find out yet. Maybe I’m not supposed to spend that money on that?

 

I’m a big believer in signs and the fact that the money came BACK is scary as hell to me. Is it a subliminal message telling me that I should not go any further? Or is it my cowardice telling me that I should save the money and not go for the paperwork right now? Or am I just really scared and trying to use logic of needing that money for bills (albeit good logic) to sway myself from being hurt?

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Entry filed under: adoption, Search.

Some Cultural Insight An Update on My Search

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kim  |  July 23, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    You can use law of attraction to get extra money. I think it’s terrible that you are expected to pay to get information. Those agencies make money from you being adopted, information should be a free service for all adoptees.

    Reply
  • 2. adoptedcricket  |  July 28, 2009 at 6:57 am

    Oh Kate…I’d probably be doing the same “Should I send the money? Should I not?” questioning if I were you…it’s a tough call.

    My gut feeling is that maybe it’s time to get your finances in order…and THEN send away for your information. Let things settle down so that you can actually enjoy the day that you receive your info in peace.

    Whatever you decide, we’re here for you…

    ~ElenaKatherine

    Reply
  • 3. maybe  |  July 28, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    I have used the “it must be a sign” interpretation to talk myself out of doing those things I most need to do.

    Can you correct the money order then hold onto it while you pay down the phone bill? That way you will still have the $75 commited to your search, but you won’t be actually sending it off untill you see an improvement in your finances. This could work as a little trick to keep you from backing out due to fear (or guilt about spending the cash) while working on your financial situation. Just an idea.

    Reply
  • 4. kateiskate  |  July 28, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    I think what I’m going to do is go ahead and email GOAL for the paperwork I need from Korea anyway (which is free but will take ages) and take a twenty out of my “allowance” or “etc” money every week until I have it. Which should be four lol. I can go without fast food and snacks in order to get my paperwork.

    Thanks for the advice and the encouragement! That is exactly what I’ve needed.

    Reply

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