A Ghost

January 9, 2009 at 2:34 am 2 comments

I just came up with an analogy for the way I feel when I think about my loss.I feel like a ghost, a phantom, as if I might not really exist. Honestly that might not even be completely original because it seems so simple, so obvious. How else would you describe someone who doesn’t have a birth certificate? You could say I may or may not exist, right?

The Unborn comes out tomorrow. I hate scary movies. I definitely will NOT be going out to see it. But the movie (about a woman who is being haunted by her twin that died in utero) reminds me of myself. Well of my Korean self. To me, Korean Katie is a ghost. Someone who was supposed to exist, but died before she could be born. Instead of Korean Katie being born, I went on to become American Katie, White Katie, sarcastic lonely, confused Katie. The Korean me died and I wasn’t even allowed to mourn.  It’s as if she’s haunting me, taunting me, willing me to look for her, to at the least acknowledge that she once existed, however briefly.

That may be the saddest part of her non existence. That I wasn’t allowed to mourn losing her. And that no one else even notices she’s not around. It’s only me, missing her in silence.

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Loss.

2009 Control Freaks

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mei-Ling  |  January 22, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    “To me, Korean Katie is a ghost. Someone who was supposed to exist, but died before she could be born. Instead of Korean Katie being born, I went on to become American Katie, White Katie, sarcastic lonely, confused Katie.”

    That is really creepy… I swear I almost wrote that word-verbatim about a year ago when I was trying to ‘recapture’ something significant from my birth certificate.

    Reply
    • 2. kateiskate  |  January 22, 2009 at 7:04 pm

      It is creepy…LOL but I think a lot of us feel that way.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


January 2009
S M T W T F S
« Dec   Feb »
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Blog Stats

  • 12,723 hits

I made this widget at MyFlashFetish.com.

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 6 other followers


%d bloggers like this: